Marvelous Monotony

Have you ever sat down and thought what you’re doing is not enough?  That somehow your soul has become sluggish and your heart has withered up like a leaf during the last throes of autumn.  That your motivation has evaporated and your dreams have become mirages on the distant horizon, just visible enough to make you believe that they’re still there and yet hazy enough to doubt their reality.

I have.

I find myself thinking thoughts like these from time to time.  Wondering what I’m doing, how I can go on in the same way day after day.  Wishing to be a part of something fantastical, something extraordinary, wanting to change the world.  Hoping against hope that someday, things will become dynamic, change will become apparent, and I will be freed from the monotony of everyday, stagnant living. 

But, if I’m honest with myself, I know it won’t.

And for a dreamer, for someone who sees the potential of the future, this is a hard reality to accept.  I wrestle with it in my innermost thoughts and in the depths of my soul that I so often try to avoid.  Dreaming, wishing, hoping that the utopia I’ve seen can become a reality and that I can be a part of the movement that brings it into being.  And yet knowing at the same time that it is beyond my grasp.  It becomes an unbearable irony, to have such hope for a new world and also seeing the impossibilities.

Sometimes it feels like a terrible burden.  To wake up in the morning knowing that it won’t be today.  That the next 24 hours will not mark the shift from an era of violence, inequality, corruption, poverty, and death to an era of peace, equity, justice, sustainability, and life.  And yet hoping against hope that it would.

It’s easy to become discouraged, seeing the negativity and darkness displayed in the news, on TV, in the papers.  To hear stories from friends about government corruption, police brutality, discrimination, and the loss of life.  It’s easy to fall into despair, believing that a new, brighter world couldn’t possibly come to being.

But then, I hear the excitement in the voice of a slum school manager as she talks about starting up a girls’ football (soccer) team in her community.  I see the joy in a friend’s face as she receives the small change needed to buy a snack from a nearby shop.  I hear the gratefulness from a sister at the promise of receiving a helping hand with her school assignments.  I witness the relief and excitement of a woman finally getting the legal rights to her land that she’s been fighting for over the last 5 years.

And I realize that life is not nearly as stagnant as I thought.  That each seemingly monotonous motion, each normal act of care and kindness is in fact a movement in and of itself.

It’s not a new thought, nor a very novel one.  Many people have said that change starts with the individual and through day-to-day living.  But, just because it is well said and well-known does not make it an easy thing to live by.  For the dreamers and visionaries, for those passionate about seeing the world change for the better, it can be a terribly hard notion to accept.  And with our ever globalizing world and achievement driven society, it’s hard not to want to be a part of something grandiose that will leave a mark on the world.

But the world is such a big place, such a large entity, sometimes difficult to comprehend.  With 7 continents, vast oceans, and billions of people, how can one person leave a visible mark?  We are each only one person in one specific place for such a short point in time.

And yet, that’s it, isn’t it?  We are each one person.  And the world is made up of people such as us.  What better way to leave a mark on the world than to leave a mark on the people around us. 

Thus, each monotonous motion, each normal act of care and kindness, each part of our seemingly stagnant lives becomes a movement.  A movement that takes place inside each of our souls.  It’s movement from believing that these simple actions are irrelevant to believing that each action sparks change, leaves a mark, and brightens up the world, even just a little bit, in that very place, in that very moment.

It’s a movement from seeing myself as the greatest agent of change to realizing that I am only a small cog in a far greater machine.  And that this is in fact better.  If there was only one person working towards a better world to come, it would never happen.  It would be impossible.  And that’s where the murmurs of my heart were true.  I can’t be a sole world changer.  And life won’t necessarily become anything that appears extraordinary from afar. But, with others equally desirous of such a future, working together, all of a sudden impossibilities become possibilities.  And monotony is no longer so monotonous.

See, the Kingdom of God is something we often talk about and believe to be in the distant future.  It’s easier to accept that it will not come until the End Times because then we are not responsible for doing anything about it now.  But, we also say that the Kingdom is present.  And I have seen this and know it to be true.  So instead of simply talking about the Kingdom being here, can we actually do something about it?  Can we abandon our selfish-ambition, our desire for notoriety, and humble ourselves to actually make a difference?  Will we choose to live a simple life with the people around us, as Jesus did, and impact others to create a better future?

I have to fight an internal battle daily.  I have to fight the feeling that makes me believe that my actions are insignificant and not fantastic enough to make a difference.  I have to struggle against my own ambition and pride and choose humility and service. I have to choose to believe that by being a positive impact in the lives of those around me, I am part of a movement towards a better world, towards making the Kingdom a reality. 

And while sometimes I lose the battle, on the days that I win, I can see the mirage slowly fade away, dreams come into focus, and the future become reality.  I see the Kingdom come to life both inside my own soul and in the souls of those around me.  In the marvelous monotony of everyday living.