Living My Memories

How much of our lives do we simply allow to pass us by? How often are we actually thankful for each morning that we wake up, take in a deep breath, and get out of bed? How often do we forget that our time here on this earth is limited?

I don’t intend to sound morbid with this. But, for myself, I need to remember. I need to remind myself that my life is limited. My time is limited. And there is so much that I am missing.

This has been more and more on my mind as my time here in Kenya comes closer and closer to an end. I’m at the two month mark when I will board a plane and leave this beautiful place that has taken me in and become my home. My time here has been so short. Lately, I’ve found that I pause during some of the more ‘mundane’ aspects of my daily life here, and just pause to soak them in.

I find myself sitting at the dinner table with my host family and just staring at their faces as they talk and laugh and listen to the news.

I find myself on a matatu, listening intently to the blaring reggae music and gazing out the windows at the shops, vendors, and passersby of Kibera. 

I find myself standing at my friend’s vegetable stall after purchasing some produce, after the conversation has ended, simply looking at her face and the rest of her wares for sale.

I find myself thrilling at the normal, comforting sights, sounds, and smells of the streets in my neighborhood as women fry samosas, men laugh in the bars, and children run down the road.

I find myself enjoying the forced ‘study breaks’ when my little buddy, Fadhili, runs into my house to play.

And when I enter these moments, it feels as if the whole world slows down for a few seconds as I take everything in. A heaviness of emotion fills the air, and it’s almost as if I am seeing the heart of the moment, the truth behind the ordinariness of the scene. It’s as if I see it in its true form.

And when these things happen, I realize that I am living my memories. What is happening today will, in just a few short months, become a memory. And everything about this place, no matter how big or small, is worthy of a memory. I want to remember it all. I want to live these memories to the fullest that my heart and mind and soul are capable of. 

And I realize that there are countless moments that I have missed. There are thousands of memories that I have allowed to slip past me. Unseen, unnoticed. It's as if I've deemed certain moments of my life unworthy of remembering. 

And I don’t want to allow myself to do that anymore. This life that we are given is too short to take it for granted. It is said that Christ came to give us life, and to give us life abundantly. Have I been too nonchalant, too laissez-faire with the wonderful, priceless gift that I’ve been given? Lord, let it not be so!

So, while my time here is coming to an end, and I am striving to live all of the memories that it has to offer me, I pray that I won’t forget this. That I won’t forget the preciousness and the beauty of life in all that God created and intended it to be. And in all that He created and intended me to be in it. For He is far too good, and life is far too good, to be unlived and forgotten.